Moving from Posture 1 to 2: Centered “No” with an Aperture
You can practice moving from Posture 1 to 2 using a Backstep and an Aperture.
Technique: Aperture (a.k.a. Create an opening)
Intention: Validate your partner’s openness to receive information
- Would you like to hear my position on this?
- Are you interested in knowing why?
- Can I share with you how I see things/feel about this?
- How would you feel if I were to give you my opinion?
- How open would you be to looking at this from another angle?
- Is this a good time for me to share my take on things?
- Is it OK if I let you know what my belief is regarding this?
Although your own listening skills may be advanced, your partner may not have this disposition. For this reason, try to express yourself in 10 seconds or less after you have used The Aperture to create an opening. In a heated exchange, you may just have 5, so keep your statements short and sweet.
Partner: “You need to stop micro-managing me!”
Practitioner: “[…] OK. Would you like to tell me more about this or hear how I feel?”
Partner: “[***] Emm, go ahead I suppose!”
Practitioner: “[…] It is challenging for me to delegate certain tasks. This one in particular needs a high level of precision. How can we ensure your autonomy and build my confidence?”
Even if your partner responds “No!” to your Aperture, you may consider this advantageous. The frankness with which they admit their closedness indicates a low chance of reception to your words. You are saving trouble for both by accepting this and proposing a better time to exchange more freely.